Home Again.

Wow, so it's over. There were days that I never though it would happen, and yet somehow I made it.

My dear precious computer (Jane, to all those who know and love her) has been broken since April. I just got her back today. Thanks to some strange warranty coverage, I only paid for the memory back-up. I've had a lot of good luck these days. I stumbled across a free bed, as well. My mom found an old gift card to Express that had $100 on it. I guess it's making up for the infinite bad luck I've had over the last 9 months.

Yes, my time in France is not what I would call great. There were some pretty great moments, but I don't think I've ever been so happy to leave a place. I was bored 90% of the time. And I think I made like 3 French friends. I've been trying to figure out who's at fault. I think I've decided to blame a combination of the French Department and the study abroad office at OU. I hardly spoke a word of French getting there, and it's really intimidating trying to know people when you can barely spit out three sentences. By the end of the year, I started speaking French well enough to meet people, and I did. On my last train to my job, I met a french student who wanted to introduce me to some other students in Clermont. C'étais dommage. At that time, I was leaving in less than a week for Paris to return home.

It's so strange, though, because it's almost like a dream. I left my life in Clermont behind and now it doesn't exist anymore. Except for my big blue bag from Paris and the 35 euros left in my wallet, there is almost no evidence that I lived there. I try to think about what I did day to day in Clermont, but it's just a blur. People really don't even ask me about it. They say, "Oh, how was France?" I respond, "It was nice." That's all they need to know apparently. No other questions, we just move on to life exactly how it was before I left.

I'm amazed at how much is unchanged. Well, certainly my brother is married now. My mom put up new blinds in the dining room. But people don't really change that much, at least physically, but often emotionally and intellectually. My father is exactly the same man as he was 9 months ago. It's not a bad thing. It's just the way it is. There are new stores open here, and other stores closed there. But they're all the same stores that I've seen on the south side that are now on the west side or some other directional combination.

But I've changed. I've changed so much I hardly recognize myself. I wrote in my blog before that I was learning and changing at a speed so quick that I couldn't even process what had happened. It's true. I would sit down in front of my computer, and I wouldn't know what to write about because... well, I didn't know what was happening. Now that I can juxtapose myself with other Americans, I can see the difference. But the change is so massive, it would be impossible to describe it.

You'll notice that I hardly wrote a word last year. Considering how bored I was, this seems unnatural. However, considering my limited Internet supply, it's not so shocking. Also, I lived with my boyfriend in a 10 ft. by 20 ft. room for 4 months. I was difficult to just ignore him for 30 minutes or an hour while I wrote. But he was a big part of my change. He is the only thing that really ties me back to that world. I talk with him 30 minutes every day. I might just be willing to give up this blog, my computer, my life here in the U.S., just to be back in that little room with him. But a little sacrifice now will pay out well later.

I created a new blog because I am no longer in Europe and also because I'm not the same person who wrote on Where Black Meets White. I'm not deleting that blog, because I do think it's important to remember who you are, even if you no longer agree with everything you once said. But I realized that there is a lot more gray in the world than I once thought. These will be my thoughts back in my world here in Oklahoma.