Back to Oklahoma.

In a book I've been reading for my Capstone, the author quoted a French historian: "Live in London for a year, and you will not get to know much about the English. But through comparison, and in the light of your surprise, you will suddenly come to understand some of the more profound and individual characteristics of France, which you did not previously understand because you knew them too well." I completely indentify with this statement. I lived in France for a year, but I learn relatively little about the French. But it has changed the way I look at Americans and it's a fascinating revelation.

My classes are filled to the brim with busy work. A paper here, a quiz there, reading here, a movie there, group project 1, essay #2. Does all this work really make us more intelligent?

I am overwhelmed with this 'stress' which I was unfamiliar with during my time in France. My busy schedule, which I missed so much in France, is now the bain of my existance. Class, class, work, sleep, class, class, class, work, sleep, class, class, work, study, study, sleep. Why am I here in this place now?

And my classmates, how dull and stupid they are. Begin with my poor fellow Spanish classmates, who cannot seem to keep track of what comes after 'uno.' Even they upper-divisioners seem completely at loss for the most basic international concepts. Someone approached me today and tried to claim that England is to blame for World War I. What other planet was I transported to, and how did I get here?

I feel the effects of my modernization melting into my soul: pro-choice, anti-war, pro-environment, anti-Republicanism, pro-liberalism. Somehow I feel that the rest of the world around me should be no further behind on the times than me; I was late enough. Yet, I still here those sad voices calling out, "Just wait... When the Democrats make us pull out of Iraq, we're going to be over-run with terrorists." How is it possible that you are still (!!) so misguided!?! These are the people who elect leaders in this country.

How do I feel? Alone. Sad. Miserable. I've returned to my home only to find that I no longer belong in it. I am only left with that desperate desire to change it, and the sad realism that it can not be changed.